Yup, you guessed it: new category. The title is (obviously) a play on some other unspeakable video with a similar name. (Hint: the above picture is a cute rendition of the terms involved. If that doesn’t help, don’t bother trying to figure it out. It’s not worth the nightmares anyway.) Except my videos are lacking 100% of the disgusting found in the similarly titled one. With everyone and their brother doing show reviews, I thought I’d take a vastly (said in a self-important tone) different approach to live shows, and instead do open ended reviews. Instead of waxing on and on about the band, and the venue and the sound guy, and the hipsters, etc. I’ll simply post the date, the venue, and the band, along with, you guessed it, 2 pictures and 1 video clip. That should give some indication of how it was to be there. And for once my words won’t taint your thoughts one bit. Shall we try it?

First 2 Pics 1 Clip band is the lovely HELEN STELLaR, who I previously wrote about here, and who are also winning the race for “First” in most categories on Parenthetical(s) as well. (PS – Enterprising individuals can find another video [and it's a cover!] from Monday’s HELEN STELLaR set on my new Parentheticals Vimeo page…)

Vitals:

Band: HELEN STELLaR
Date: Monday April 5, 2010
Venue: Spaceland

Pic 1:

Pic 2:

Clip:

Your feedback is appreciated!

Yet another new category, “To Whom It May Concern” takes into account the always enjoyable feedback received from loyal readers like yourself. I figure if someone takes the time to write me a shitty email or leave a shitty comment, far be it from me to not take the time to issue an appropriately shitty response. This way you get the attention you so desperately wanted. But instead of being left in the comments section where nobody may ever see it, your words get put right on the front page! Now you can truly feel as important as you think you are!

This lovely comment below, larger and in bold, came from a gentleman in response to my post on 3 LA bands at SxSw this year to NOT see and inspired the first “To Whom It May Concern” entry.

I half expected some angry responses to this post anyway, but I don’t really care and here’s why: the world doesn’t need another music blog, which I wholeheartedly realize. But if I’m going to do it regardless, why bother pandering to the masses and writing praise for bands everyone else says I’m SUPPOSED to like if I just don’t like them? In most cases they’re either not that good (Warpaint), act like assholes (Shadow Shadow Shade) or just play really shitty music that got more attention than it ever should have (She Wants Revenge). In any case, a (seemingly loyal) Shadow Shadow Shade fan (and likely involved in some respect with the band) left the following comment. My rebuttal, should you care to read it, follows immediately after.

“Ummmm, I was at the hammer that day in 2008 too. You were watching their (shadow shadow shade’s) sound check douche bag. Kind of weird that Tom Biller (the grammy award winning producer and bass player of Shadow shadow shade) is now producing Warpaints new album. He also just finished producing the new Liars album and Where the wild things are soundtrack with Karen O. The man is one of the best producers in LA. Educate yourself fool.”

To Whom It May Concern:

Thanks for writing in buddy! I took your advice and “educate(d) myself, fool,” and here’s what I realized:

1) If it weren’t for your stupid comment, I’d never know that the “Grammy award winning producer and bass player” from Shadow Shadow Shade is producing albums by other groups I don’t give a shit about! You note that it’s “kind of weird” but there’s actually nothing weird about the fact that there is a common thread among things I dislike. In fact, it’s all so much clearer now! If the upcoming projects mentioned were meant to help me change my mind about Tom or his band, you failed. I suffered through that movie, and although I like Karen O’s work in the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s, that soundtrack was almost as bad as the film. And if I never hear another Liars album it’ll be too soon. Hopefully for Liars (and ears everywhere), maybe Tom can bless them with his golden touch and help remove some layers of suck from their music. Also, regardless of Tom’s level of talent, can we please stop putting “Grammy award winning” in front of or after his name? That shit doesn’t mean anything anymore. The Black Eyed Peas won a fucking Grammy for “My Humps.” (Did Tom produce that too?!?!) The Grammy awards are less relevant than the Peoples Choice Awards as far as evaluating talent is concerned. The only people who give even half a shit about Grammys anymore are A) completely out of touch or B) you, apparently.

2) Though you seem to be the expert here, I’d like to enlighten you to a few of my observations with a band’s “sound check, douche bag.” Most bands don’t come out and address the crowd (yes, a crowd at a sound check? seems weird already, right? but let’s go with it, you’re the expert after all…), announce their band name, play a few different songs, and then bitch and moan and storm off stage when “done” sound checking. But you know what, let’s assume you’re correct and it was indeed their sound check. When most bands have an issue with their sound, they don’t leave the stage until it’s fixed (another reason this usually takes place BEFORE the venue is full). Also, the sound team usually helps them isolate the problem and fix it BEFORE they get back onstage. But neither of these things happened, in which case if that was indeed their sound check, they completely negated the purpose of it. So even if you’re right, you’re still fucking wrong, “douche bag.”

3) Regardless of your feelings about my words (they are just words, after all…), the entire purpose of this blog is for people other than myself to read it, which you clearly did. So in the end, I still win. I’ll keep writing whatever I feel like and you can have fun fetching “Grammy award winning” coffee for your buddy Tom Biller.

Kind regards,
Ed.

First installment of new blog category “A Day Late…” is about Portland, OR based (shoutout to Ryan Smith, where you at?!?) hip-hop producer Lawz Spoken, who dropped this FREE (!) 12 track album of his productions featuring various Northwest regional rappers back in fall of 2009. Imma say it right now: this album is all about the beats. The MCs are all mad decent (no shots) but the beats are standout. Maybe it’s that he’s from Portland, maybe it’s that we were supposed to get some rain in LA the past few days, maybe it’s that the album is straight CALLED “Standing In The Rain,” or maybe it’s that he even says “…you can almost taste the Portland weather through the speakers…” but listening to this makes me want to, well, stand in the rain. (I think that sparse piano in the beats has something to do with the rainy feel of it…) Keep an eye on this dude, as he’s prepping more shit for 2010.

Download or stream “Standing In The Rain” here: http://lawzspoken.com/sitr/

Also check out recently released “Ferrari Rap Vol 1″ that he did back in 2008 with rapper 9DM here: http://lawzspoken.com/ferrari-rap-vol1/

HELEN STELLaR (Photo by Jessica Holmes)

Ok, so first things first, I’m starting to use “categories” with the idea that there will be recurring columns on this ol’ blog, which also insinuates that I will keep updating it and the blog won’t be some flavor-of-the-week shit. Fingers crossed… In any case, what I call “Advance Notice” (until I find a clever-er title) will be an opportunity for me to point out some of LA’s finer bands before they hit it big time.

{Sidenote: had I actually had a blog in 2005, and had I actually done an “Advance Notice” column then (a lot of supposition right there…), I would have correctly predicted Silversun Pickups meteoric rise to stardom back in ’05 after playing Pikul’s “Kissing Families” to death. Just sayin. Ask my friends all over the globe whom I relentlessly bombarded with “did you get your copy of Carnavas yet?” phone calls…}

Now that that’s out of the way, I’d like to present to you the very first Parenthetical(s) “Advance Notice” artist: HELEN STELLaR.

HELEN STELLaR (Photo by Kristy Sparrow)

There’s a few things you need to know up front about HELEN STELLaR:

1) Everyone I have told about them comments on just how rad their pun-based band name is. Sometimes leading in with a chuckle, sometimes with a mouth-agape “That’s AWESOME!” and sometimes with a “Wait, Helen what?” Don’t question it. Their band name is the rare combination of both funny and awesome without being silly.

2) They aren’t really a “new” band so to speak. They’ve been in Los Angeles for more than a few years now. They released three EPs (which were later re-packaged as a full-length by Cameron Crowe. Yes, that Cameron Crowe. He put their song “IO” on the Elizabethtown soundtrack too.) before taking a hiatus for a few years. After getting back together, they completed a brand new full-length album tentatively titled “If The Stars Could Speak, They Would Have Your Voice” that they are currently shopping around for a home.

3) They have the coveted free Monday night residency at Spaceland for the month of April.

4) I have no idea why they usually have their name typed in all caps with a lower case “a.” It usually looks like this: HELEN STELLaR. (Perhaps an interview is required down the road…)

To be completely honest, I was extremely late to the HELEN STELLaR party. In fact, if it wasn’t for local music maven Kevin Bronson and his Buzz Bands LA blog, I might have completely missed their resurgence in 2009 altogether. Kevin did a great column in November 2009 updating the world on the happenings of a freshly reborn HELEN STELLaR that you can read here. Kevin then put them on one of his Buzz Bands shows in December which I unfortunately missed. Thanks to his recommendation though, I caught them at Spaceland in February and I was thoroughly impressed. They are one of those bands that plays so well live their recordings don’t do them justice. (Though, to be fair, I haven’t heard this finished full length yet and Mr Bronson himself says it is their best material to date.)

The foursome play what I would describe as epic, wide-screen rock music. HELEN STELLaR create music for life’s movie moments. Not following me entirely? That’s fine. Here, let’s try some image association then. Imagine a soundtrack for moments like this:

Photo by gethinched

And this:

Photo by zelnunes

And this:

Photo by oneterry

And this:

Photo by clearskies

And with a sound that is built for life’s movie moments, it’s no surprise their song “IO” was licensed for at least three different films. This is the stuff Music Supervisors everywhere cling to.

HELEN STELLaR clearly have some shoegaze influence in their sound with all the delay and wash in their guitars, but they avoid the needless droning-on of many current shoegaze-influenced artists. And although some may not enjoy the comparison, I even hear some Joshua Tree-era and Achtung Baby-era U2 in the way their songs soar and have an anticipatory slow-burning build to them. But despite my U2 comparisons, that’s not to say in any way that their sound is derivative. What it is to say is that they play catchy, accessible rock music that should get them some wide recognition, which is probably why some other radio station you have most likely heard of did a feature on them and has started playing them recently, despite their still as-yet-unsigned status. They play honest, wide-open, rock music. There’s no flavor-of-the-week, over-reaching, Pitchfork-approved, weird-for-the-sake-of-weird attempts with their sound. And that’s one of the things I love most about HELEN STELLaR. They aren’t playing music for people who won’t care about it a year from now. They’re playing music that they want to play. And because of that, their music sounds like music that a lot of people will want to hear.

I have a strong feeling though that at the end of their April residency, many more people will be talking about HELEN STELLaR. And I think that full-length record of theirs will have a brand new home too. (Attention Dangerbird Records: If you’re reading this, I highly recommend you snatch up these guys…) If you live in Los Angeles, do yourself a favor and catch them at Spaceland while you still can. I don’t think you will be able to see them for free, or at a venue as intimate as Spaceland for that matter, for much longer. Hopefully for the boys in HELEN STELLaR, their ascent will mirror that of their sound; a deliberate build over the years to an undeniable explosion in 2010.

Listen to “Sensation Blvd”

HELEN STELLaR play Spaceland for free (!) every Monday in April.

Monday April 5th: HELEN STELLaR w/ Mere Mortals (another GREAT live LA band), Luna Vista and Hexham Heads

Monday April 12th: HELEN STELLaR w/ The Postelles (a great time to check out this NY band who just toured with Hockey) and Atlanta, GA band The Constellations

Monday April 19th: HELEN STELLaR w/ TBD

Monday April 26th: HELEN STELLaR w/ TBD

New category debut of “Dear Internet:” in which my old-codger-ass offers a plea to the internet population to please stop doing (or, in rare occasions, just do) something.

And soon. First installment below.

Dear Internet:

Please stop naming your music blog after semi-obscure song lyrics from Loggins and Messina songs even your dad didn’t like.

Thanks.

Sincerely,
Me and everyone else

WARPAINT

Hi, we're Warpaint. We're not as good as Land of Talk. Let's Wrestle. American Apparel. Sustainability.

Warpaint are an all-girl quartet who are getting entirely too much buzz as far as I’m concerned. Sure, I haven’t seen them live, but their music is just ok. It’s not that it’s bad, but it’s far from good enough to justify their ridiculous amount of buzz as of late. Why anyone would give a shit about this band when they could listen to ANYthing Land Of Talk has put out is beyond me… Land Of Talk play better music AND have way better vocals. I don’t get it. Pass.

SHADOW SHADOW SHADE

Hi, we're Shadow Shadow Shade. We act like total dicks even when we have no right to! At least our music sucks too!

Shadow Shadow Shade were formally known as Afternoons and are comprised of some dicks from Irving, a few other douchebags, and a highly annoying bellowing woman. They essentially play really shitty versions of songs that Arcade Fire already did really well like 6 years ago. I was introduced to them as the openers at a Tokyo Police Club free show at the Hammer Museum back in 2008 (as Afternoons), where they proceeded to bitch and moan about the venue’s sound like a bunch of stereotypical rock star prima donnas. Except usually that type of despicable behavior is reserved for people who have actually made it (not like that makes it any more tolerable, mind you), not those who’ve barely accomplished shit in 12 years of continuously floundering around Los Angeles (see: Irving). At one point during their first song, they actually put their gear down and walked off the stage after throwing a tantrum. Conveniently, a whole shit ton of people came in during this 30-40 minute downtime. [Sidenote: Ironically enough, Tokyo Police Club came out later, had ACTUAL tangible sound issues where 1 guitar was hardly audible all set, and were nothing but gracious and thankful for all the support the entire time. They honestly seemed shocked at how many people were even there, despite the line outside snaking down Wilshire. Talk about humility.] Basically, the guys (and really annoying girl) in “Shadow Shadow Shade” don’t deserve your attention. And even if they did, it’ll be hard for them to see your admiration anyway. I can’t imagine one can see too much of anything with one’s own head so far up one’s own ass. Don’t believe me? Check out their self-indulgent, “Grammy Award winning,” “Shepard Fairey approved”  Wikipedia entry here. Blech. Please don’t make their heads any bigger, people. LA is crowded enough.

SHE WANTS REVENGE

Hi, we're She Wants Revenge. And we're boring as... HEY! YOU! WAKE UP! I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU WE'RE BORING AS SHIT! QUIT NODDING OFF!

She Wants Revenge weren’t ever good. Sorry. Don’t care what anyone says. Their singer makes Paul Banks from Interpol sound like fucking Pavarotti (RIP). And Paul Banks has zero range to begin with, so how one can manage to get even MORE monotonous vocally is a true conundrum for me… Never fear though boredom-seekers, because Justin Warfield manages to do it. But wait, at least the music behind his shitty vocals is really good right? Nope. Talk about boring, repetitive shit. If you like this stuff, please, just don’t tell me.

[Disclaimer: I realize there are actually good Interpol songs. But that doesn't change the fact that dude still can't sing for shit.]

More to come, including a post on LA bands NOT to see at SxSw.

Kisses.